So maybe i refuse to say it's love, and settle for just being really attracted to him. Maybe he give some unidentifiable spark that needs time to grow. Im not sure. But what im sure of is that they are everywhere. In my heart, in my mind, in the faces of the strangers i pass walking down the street, in that cup of coffee.......
I can't stop talking about him to anyone who will listen, and even they are not listening, even if they stopped listening, it doesn't matter. Because just talking about him gives you an unprecedented high. I dont need anyone else to lift me.
Two months isn't long enough to have met someone's family, to have seen the bad habits and weathered the kinds of fights that really mean something. Two months, in the scope of things, is nothing. Two months is a blink and you'll miss it sort of thing. He could stop calling tomorrow. And i tell myself all of this, i try to manage your expectations and try to not get too attached that this could be the real thing.
But still, there's a feeling. And there's a way that my heart aches to the bursting everytime you see him. There's a complexity about something as simple as seeing his name on my phone. It's just that nobody can actually prepare you for when it actually happens, or when it is actually supposed to happen.
And when it does, we fight with the words that come scratching up at our throats, force them back down. We pause, we wait. We try to figure out when the right moment to say something. We hold back, shut down from the possibility that maybe it wasn't a one sided thing. Maybe he feel the same way... Maybe he's fighting with the words too. Because this could be something real and something good and we're both just nervous because we all spook easy in love. It's easy to run away these days, to delete their number, to never text him again.
So, we hold back, and we don't text. We take hours to reply a single message, playing a game in which we try to find meaning in every last second of interaction that happened. But we don't stop talking, dont stop feeling........
You might not love someone in two months or you might not know that what you feel is love. But i should be honest with the fact that im feeling something. That maybe, just maybe. Should acknowledge it and admit it and take the risk, try to offer him my heart. Even if he fumble it, because then i can pick it back up and mend its bruised ego and try again.....
But i just have to try. Because it all begins with being in hope............